A Poem for The Broken

Dear friends,

I’ve decided to share my poetry I’ve submitted for my MFA in Writing instead of keeping it tucked away in my writing portfolio. I know there are so many broken, aching, hopeless, and wondering people out there, and I hope in some small way, my poem can be a small light in your world. Know that whatever battle you’re facing, whether loss, tragedy, hopelessness or the quiet inner battles from within, that Jesus has the victory. More than anything, He holds your victory, just lean into Him. Praise Him, even when it hurts and the Light will be there. The word “Totelisti”, which means “It is finished.” were among the last words Jesus spoke on the cross.

Woman by the Sea

Last Breath: Totelisti

“I toss before the sea, hands suffused in gelid sands, the air in my eyes. I am not here to beg or pray or weep or curse, but I tilt my head up in the deepest of wonders. My sea-grey eyes—broken—reflect a white sun that christens the waves. My fragile, frigid body is arctic breeze. My black hair laps onto my face, while my lips part only whispers: You breathed out stars, father. You made the sun stand still and parted the seas with a single breath.

You see my angular body, lolling on this hallowed shoreline, light seeping into the craters of my sunken face. I can’t see you, tangibly touch your face, your hair, but I feel you in the rays roaming the deserts on my skin. I hear you inside the ocean, breathing. I know it’s your breath that swells the ocean like that—it rises high, it rises low.

A whale surfaces, its reverent worship never leaves even as it recesses back into the abyss. My pallid fingers grapple sand. I’m feeling life one more time—you know this, though—Father. When the ocean moans with me, mourns for me, begins to sweep over me, I know you’re coming. I’ll hear it in receding sounds. I know you’re pushing forward, steadily, undisturbed, purposefully, preparing to overtake me. Gently, go gently, you’ll tell the waves as they rush over me.

I breathe out sharply; the air has stilled. I feel your gaze, now. I wonder what matter of miracles passed through your eyes before I had a chance to live them. My breaths are shallow. I see the sea is starting to recede. You don’t say anything, but I feel you coming. I know that within some time, I will feel someone’s hands reach tenderly for my hair, picking up a tuft of dark wisps and will rub it between their fingers, feeling life one more time, too. Then I’ll hear a gentle whisper in my ear, Totelisti, beloved…it is finished.”

The Beauty of Virginity before We Say “I Do” Tomorrow

Happy May dear friends, isn’t it a beautiful season? God has done so much in just seven months. Well, I haven’t written a blog post in a while because I’ve been contributing for Christian  Mingle. Nevertheless, I’ve decided to share something that’s been on my heart before I get married tomorrow. I want to share about the beauty of remaining pure before marriage. I just want to mention that I’m not shying away from the word “virgin”, because it’s not something to shy away from nor feel embarrassed about. It’s a beautiful thing.

 

Samantha Omar-samanthaomar-0094Photo by our lovely wedding photographer, Rachel L’Antigua

Tomorrow, Sunday, May 7th, Omar and I will say “I do.” It came faster than we ever imagined. Omar and I met on eHarmony May 27, 2016. Yes, you can say we’re an eHarmony love story, but deep down in our core, we’re a God story.

I won’t walk too far back, but I remember one day I was sitting with someone in California in a park across the street from my church. We were talking about spiritual things, and something the pastor was speaking about that Sunday morning–sexual purity.

As we were sitting, he asked me, “So, are you a virgin because you just didn’t have the chance?” He sort of slowed down the more he came to the end of his question. It took everything in me to not be offended.

“No, there were times I could have given in. The only reason I’m pure today is because I want to glorify God in my future marriage. I just want to save what God designed for marriage. It’s better that way.” He looked at me then and shook his head that he understood.

Virginity is not something to look at as better than or less than, but God intended, because God knows the beauty of what it’s going to be like to share becoming one with your spouse for the rest of your life.

And to be completely honest here, I desired a virgin, too. I never set my expectations to be so, because I knew over 80% of young Christians have already had sex before marriage. I didn’t want that to be my story, though, and I desired for my future husband and me to be able to tell our future children the beauty and holiness of saving sex for marriage. Both of us.

“Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

When I met Omar on our first date, and with him being 31, I had no idea about his sexual past. We kept rather quiet about it until a few more dates came along, and we happened to have “the talk” at a park while it rained. It was also the day we became official. We sat underneath the bridge and we spilled everything out to one another. After being humble and open with me about his past, Omar, in the very end of it all, revealed that he was a virgin.

I could have gotten up and danced in the rain in that very moment. Instead, I secretly thanked God that he had brought someone in my life where we shared not only our faith, but factors of our faith: our virginity, our purity, and our dedication of realizing the sacredness of keeping that inside the house of marriage. Above all, it comes down to choosing God’s word over the flesh.

“For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other so that you are not to do whatever you want.” Galatians 5:17

It’s really as simple as that; how our mighty and wondrous Father brought two souls together who desired the same thing deep down. Sexual purity. Abstinence. Holiness. We wanted to experience our very firsts together, and by the grace of God, we get to.

We’re excited to share unity in marriage, but more than anything, we’re excited to share becoming one the way God intended and using our marriage to glorify Him in everything we do.

Omar and I have felt God’s hand in our relationship ever since we met, and it’s not because we’re pure, it’s because we simply love Him. Omar and I have worked for several months to not only put together a single day to celebrate our union but to celebrate the God we worship and His vast and gracious and deep, deep love.

I recently shared the news that Omar and I have received a gift for our wedding that was completely out of nowhere, but just because our kind venue owner thought of us. We both felt like God was also celebrating Omar and I coming together, and that’s the way it should feel.

We simply can’t wait to share our wedding day with everyone. God is great and good and beautiful and holy and real and forgiving and just and strong and mighty and to think that such a God, who barely breathes while oceans part, is the very God that brought two wandering souls on earth together May 7, 2017. All I can say is, What a beautiful name it is…

I’ve already been brought to tears just thinking of walking down the aisle and seeing my Omar, and knowing that my invisible but visible God is right there at the end, too. He is so good, friends.

Omar and I are truly excited. We look forward to seeing all your faces at the wedding tomorrow at Dove Ridge Vineyard!

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mark 10:9

And if you’re reading this from afar, and you’ve been struggling with your past, or what your love-life holds, know that God is gracious, but be strong in your relationship. Plant your roots firmly in God’s Word; the reward is full. Set boundaries and follow them until the day you say “I do.” It’s unbelievably worth it.

Much love,

Samantha

He Speaks in the Stillness, Too

Dear fellow readers and writers, it’s been a while since my last post. I’ve been contributing for Christian Mingle as of late, so my writing time has been dedicated there for the time being. Still, today, I took a sick day because I’ve not been feeling well and decided to press into His goodness and thought I’d share a little word with you. Thanks for taking the time to read. I hope it encourages you through your mid-week.

So, you woke up today, darling. You said a silent prayer and perhaps hoped for some divine manifestation to happen in your life—something audible and clear that confirms your life to holiness.

We need to remember that yes, God speaks through earthquakes, storms, and whirlwinds, but He also speaks in the gentlest of whispers.

Sometimes, we worry that we can’t hear God, and therefore, we cry struggled prayers wondering if He’s disappointed in us. Rest in the truth that if you call to Him, He will answer you. “Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3

God doesn’t do the extravagant every single time He wants to tell you something. Like Elijah, who didn’t hear God’s voice in the mighty wind, the earthquake, or the fire, but in the still small voice afterwards.

Quite often, while we’re seeking the overt, perceptible voice, there is God, speaking to us the most beautiful truth in a gentle whisper. And it’s not about confirming our strive for righteousness, it’s God confirming His righteousness, grace, and relentless love over our lives.

God speaks divine direction in the stillness, too.

 

Love,

Samantha